Why Feelings, Why Now?

Feelings?!  Yuk!  I used to feel that way.  And, if I’m being totally honest, I still feel that way sometimes.  I think that’s part of being human.  We live in a world of FOMO, self-help gurus, and carefully curated social media stories that lead us to believe happy is good and every other emotion (angry, sad, scared—and all their derivatives) is bad, or worse yet, doesn’t exist.    

In my last blog post, I talked briefly about the lessons I’ve learned in therapy and the value I see in bringing those lessons to the workplace.  For this blog post, I thought it might help to explain: Why feelings in the workplace?  And, why now?

If you’re like me, you might feel compelled to say, “Feelings are messy!” Or you might even think feelings in the workplace are unprofessional.  You know what I say to that?  Life is messy!  And the sooner we start admitting and embracing that truism, at home and at work, the better things will get.

If you need more convincing, here are four big reasons why we need to be talking about feelings in the workplace. 

Reason #1: This last year sucked.  For EVERYONE.

In case you’ve forgotten, everyone on the planet has been struggling with a little thing called COVID.  While everyone’s experience has been different, we’ve all navigated the fear of an unknown deadly disease.  Countless essential and front-line workers bravely faced their fears by showing up to work every day, putting their own health (and the health of their loved ones) at risk.  They kept on with “business as usual,” when it was anything but that.  For those who could transition to remote work, they navigated the loss of their work families and the stability of a familiar routine as offices were closed at a whiplash-inducing pace.  Others lost their jobs and the security of a steady paycheck.  And we all struggled with the loss of life as we knew it, the loss of support systems like daycares and schools, and the stress of being endlessly trapped in our homes.  (I know this doesn’t even scratch the tip of the iceberg for how terrible COVID was/is, but I hope you get my point.)

Earlier this year, Harvard Business Review, published an article showing the impact COVID has had on wellbeing, neatly packaged in 12 helpful charts.  Of the 1500 people surveyed across 46 countries, 85% of people reported a general decline in their wellbeing, and 89% of people reported a decline in their wellbeing at work.  WTF?! 

While this data is not surprising, it paints a very somber picture of how sh*tty things have been.  Kind of makes you mad, doesn’t it?  (In the interest of transparency, the article also demonstrates a few areas where COVID has positively impacted our wellbeing.)

To add insult to injury, you can also check out these polls from Kaiser Family Foundation, the World Health Organization, and the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, which show significantly increased demand for mental health services in the past year, even though many mental health and substance use providers were operating with diminished capacity.

Thanks to the tremendous gift of science (hooray vaccines!), we’re now faced with a new series of challenges as we navigate post-pandemic life in the U.S.  People are returning to the office and all the stress that brings (commutes, child care challenges, annoying coworkers, mandatory travel, to name just a few).  They’re seeing coworkers, potentially for the first time in 15 months, all of whom have been impacted (traumatized?) by COVID in some way.  They’re trying to balance work and home life with social calendars that blossomed without warning.  And, they’re trying to take care of themselves.

Simply put: this is a lot of sh*t to deal with, and if we’re going to be with our work families again, we have to start talking about how we’re feeling. 

Reason #2: It’s Harmful to Ignore Your Emotions

For reason #2, I have a little back story for you, so bear with me as I make my point.  Long before COVID, I struggled on and off with joint pain.  Being the stubborn person I am, I discounted that pain and continued pushing my body to the limit because I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.  It was part of the aging process, right?

After years and years of intermittent pain I finally accepted that something might be wrong after I did a short fun run and could hardly walk for a month afterward.  That prompted me to make an appointment to see an orthopedic specialist.  As it turns out, my joint pain WAS a big deal.  So much so, over that next year, I found myself recovering from 2 major surgeries to preserve what little joint health I had left.

The lesson learned?  My body (and yours, too) is an amazing web of interdependent systems, and it’s a really bad idea to ignore the signs that something may be wrong.  From my non-clinical perspective, joints and muscles and their corresponding connective tissues are one such system.  Emotions are another.  If you look at it from that perspective, we should really be paying more attention to our emotions.  Like physical pain, emotions offer valuable insight to what’s going on in your body and mind.

I don’t need to tell you that study after study has highlighted the dangers of ignoring mental health.  But in case you need some hard proof, you can find some examples here and here.  There are even resources like this CDC overview that declare mental wellbeing as important as physical wellbeing. Mental health has direct correlations to physical health.  And, much like my joint pain example, the longer you wait to tap into your emotions, the longer your issue persists.  It becomes more serious and harder to address.  And, PS—you’re prolonging your suffering! 

Are you convinced yet?

Reason #3: The Changing Workforce Demographics Demand It

During my time in health care, we often talked about the aging Baby Boomer population and the impact on the health care system.  And, as a people leader in Corporate America, I had the opportunity to lead age-diverse teams.  Based on these experiences, I had what I thought was a decent awareness of the changing workforce demographics.  But a recent training program on Diversity, Equity and Inclusion in the Workplace has me thinking even more about the impact of changing workforce demographics.   

According to this Obama-era report, Millennials are the most educated generation to enter the workforce, with around 61% of adult Millennials having attended college.  Moreover, Millennials are the most racially diverse generation, with 21% identifying as Latino/Latina, 14% Black/African American, and 6% Asian.  And that’s before taking into account the Gen Z’ers and, in the not-too-distant future, Gen Alphas.

One of the awesome things about the younger workforces is they’re driving a shift in the way we look at work.  They’re demanding that employers make work more human.  They’re looking for purpose, happiness, and a mission in their work.  And, for them, work is not the be-all, end-all.  Now more than ever, corporate culture is playing a significant role in employee satisfaction and retention. 

What’s perhaps a silver lining of COVID is that these ideas about a more human workplace are catching on across the generational divide.  After the last 18 months everyone has experienced, employees are seeking employers that provide more flexibility and autonomy.  And recent reports (here’s one by way of example) have shown a greater willingness for people to leave their current place of employment if the culture within their organizations does not change to meet their needs.  

This is a warning sign for leaders.  If you want to preserve your current workforce and recruit the best talent from the generational workforces in the pipeline, now is the time to start thinking about your culture and how you relate to your teams.

Which leads me to my fourth and final reason…

Reason #4: There’s Power in Tapping (and Sharing) Your Emotions

As I was writing this blog, I really struggled with how to explain the importance of reason #4.  It finally occurred to me that this reason is THE most important lesson I’ve learned from my time in therapy.  And it’s this: tapping into your emotions helps you know yourself and what you need. 

Let me be clear.  Tapping your emotions is NOT the same as therapy, which (from my layperson’s perspective) helps you understand how past events influence HOW and WHY you may act or feel a certain way in a certain situation.  By contrast, tapping your emotions increases your awareness about what’s happening in the here-and-now.  That increased awareness helps you communicate more intentionally, and thus, more effectively, about what you need, rather than simply reacting.

As I see it, there are two main benefits to communicating more intentionally about your needs (although these aren’t the only benefits).  First, it allows others to know you better and provides a roadmap for how they can engage with you more effectively.  It gives you an opportunity to be fully heard.  And, when the other person acknowledges the guidance you’ve given, and ideally, even changes their behavior, it validates your need.  Through this validation, your level of trust and connection to your colleague grows.

Secondly, when you communicate your needs, it serves as an invitation to reciprocate.  It shows the other person that you are open to receiving guidance from them.  Much like a serve and return in tennis, this style of communication becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of learning, trust, and connection.  And that connection is what builds resilience and helps teams navigate change.

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Circling back to reason #1, people are craving connection now, more than ever.  And some folks, understandably so, need help navigating the path to connection in the post-pandemic world.  Leaders in the workplace are in a unique and powerful position to guide their teams by modeling the behaviors that most effectively build connection.   

If you’re a leader and you’re on board with my ideas, but you aren’t sure where to start, please contact me by clicking on the button below. I’m happy to schedule a complimentary session to talk through your challenges and questions. I look forward to talking with you soon.